WANT - The self inflicted pain....

I was watching this series today on discovery where a photographer took pictures of people who performed on the streets of mumbai....I grew up watching the rope walkers, the snake charmers, the guy with the monkey and the singers.....they were fascinating..the colours, the sounds....all that could make young and old alike to stop and take notice...in awe, in amusement..making them forget their problems for those few minutes as the lady beat the drum and the man walked across the rope with a balancing pole in his hand....
The photographer mentioned that he was capturing all these street artists on lens as they were fast disappearing with people seeking more lucrative opportunities ...what with the booming economy n all.... as sad as it sounds, it is one of those facts of life...he said...
In this series, he was taking a picture of a person who whipped himself .....and people in India actually believe that Goddess Durga relieves them of their diseases through this other human being who inflicted pain upon himself....I am unable to find pictures on the internet, but it was such a powerful series that it made want to cry and laugh at the same time....It was the artist's means of SURVIVAL...that self-inflicted pain earned him and his family his next meal....

What about me?I have a roof over my head...and I know where my next meal is going to come from....and a Husband who loves me in his own eccentric, quirky ways...:)...and I am sure that is the case with a lot of people...but all this does not leave us satisfied does it? We want a better life and keep looking for it right?At the end of the day, I think I am no different than the street artist .....I inflict pain on myself too by wanting more.....I think its human to want more....the only difference in my case being, its not to survive , but to LIVE life to the fullest and FULL is by self definition....guess this severe lack of satisfaction that is a necessary evil.....it makes us go for more, allows us to dream... but seldom gives us peace of mind....
thats how we differ from the street artists....he is SATISFIED..to survive....and not bother about real estate prices or rising standards of living....I am not too sure if that would work for me though... maybe not until I am above the material pleasures of life...and thats a long way to go...

So..until then..I shall indulge in dreaming about having a multi million dollar home in the Caribbean...a Ferrari to drive around and maybe throw in a private jet and an yacht too...:)....
Ta ta...

Not just a Song....

Another piece of my life. A song that has got me through really tough times..."Anything but Ordinary"- By Avril Lavigne

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby
Sometimes I drive so fast
Just to feel the danger
I wanna scream
It makes me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

To walk within the lines
Would make my life so boring
I want to know that I
Have been to the extreme
So knock me off my feet
Come on now give it to me
Anything to make me feel alive

Is it enough to love?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.

Let down your defences
Use no common sense
If you look you will see
that this world is a beautiful
accident, turibulent, succulent
opulent permanent, no way
I wanna taste it
Don't wanna waste it away

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

Is it enough?
Is it enough?
Is it enough to breathe?
Somebody rip my heart out
And leave me here to bleed
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please

Is it enough?
Is it enough to die?
Somebody save my life
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.
oh
I'd rather be anything but ordinary please.


- Avril Lavigne

Chronicles of Self Revelation.....

Yo...wassup...hope the world around you has not changed much and if it has..hope you remember what it was like....it is this very thought that has prompted to record the current 'ME'...so one year down the line, i can read up on this and gauge how I have grown and changed....
I have never really thought that some of the things included below can actually be termed as things that define me...but I guess they do....

I am: Angel (guess thats never gonna change (DUH!))
I work for : Citibank as Asst. Manager , Operations and Technology
I stay in: Singapore
Things I love to eat: As most people think, its not salads (that I eat coz I need to stay in shape). I love rice, Noodles (all carbs!) and vegetables. And give me the quintessential south indian 'Thair Saadam' (Curd Rice) and 'Oorugai' (Pickle) any day....yummmmm
My favourite colour: Red, Black.
My favorite actor/actress: Bollywood - Actor: Shahrukh Khan Actress: Kajol Hollywood: Actor: Tom Hanks (for his acting) and matthew mcconaughey(coz he is like super hot! and I love his acting in the movie 'A time to Kill') Actress: Charleze Theron
I love watching: Comedies that don't involve any thinking...nothing heavy...,..life is too complicated as it is...and its supposed to be ENTERTAINMENT DUUUHHH!..... Some War movies (The Great Raid, Behind Enemy Lines), Epic movies (300, Gladiator, Alexander) and of-course Chick-flicks.
My favourite passtime: Watching TV. I loooove sitcoms - Current favs include 'Less than Perfect', 'Yes Dear'. Reigning favorite - American Idol, it is just inspiring.Also love the Ellen Degeneres Show. Hate serials...dont have the patience to actually watch it every week, barring American Idol (Period).
My Best Friend: Kiran Puttagunta.He stays in the US and is looking for an eligible girl to get married to. We know each other for the last 8 years since engineering college.
I love to listen to: Rock and Metal. Favorites - Metallica, Niravana, Alanis Morisette, Megadeth, Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park, Pink Floyd, Iron Maiden, Pearl Jam, Aha, extremes, Radiohead..Long list. I HATE HIP HOP.
I am obsessed with:Staying in shape.If my weighing points to anything more than 54 kgs, I get paranoid and quit eating for the next 4 days. I currently weigh 56 kgs and am trying real hard to lose weight. but my favorite foods (as quoted above) cause a conflict of Interest.
I am a hardcore Feminist and would not bear to hear the 'there are some things that women cannot do' Jazz from any bloke.
I looove kids ..if they are in someone else's lap... With kids, I believe in the concept of 'Good from FAR and when near, FAR from good'. So I prefer looking at them and saying 'Shhhooo Shhhwweeet'. PERIOD.
I Like reading: FICTION. Dont like the heavy thick, Management Guru type books. THEY SUCK! Currently Reading: Freakonomics- Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt. This is a good book.
I thrive on: Competition. It is the one thing that can make me stretch that extra 200 miles and at the same time frustrate me to tears. I welcome it anyways.
I am slightly pessimistic in nature and always think of and imagine the worst things possible. Its my way of being prepared for it.I am working on changing this trait of mine and hopefully, when I read this blog next year, things would have changed for the better.
I love to travel but need to probed into it.
I have absolutely no sense of distance and Direction. I would be as lost with a map as i would be without one.
I cherish a dream of learning to play the guitar and have my own band in the next couple of years.

I once heard "Growing up in about about finding out that what you said 10 mins back is more stupid than what you said just now and just now would mose certainly be more stupid than 10 mins later... and this is coz you learn and grow with every passing minute". Bottomline, growing up is all about improvement.... So hope to have improved myself in a year from now....

Astala vista Baby....I'LL BE BACK!